Codependency

Conflict most frequently surfaces when one partner begins to define their identity outside of the relationship which is a necessary and healthy transition. However, this can feel threatening when codependency is a prominent element in the relationship. I work with couples to develop strategies to increase their sense of safety within the relationship and empower them to further develop their autonomy and sense of self within the relationship.

I specialize in working with clients who would like to address attachment wounds and address patterns, beliefs and behaviors that increase codependency. I strive to help my clients create healthy relationships with the self and others that include compassion, vulnerability, honesty and boundaries.

Codependency is a learned pattern of behavior that starts in childhood but often becomes no longer helpful or even harmful in adulthood. Common codependent behaviors include denying one's thoughts or feelings; giving too much of one's time, energy, or money; being too identified as a caretaker or giver in relationships, and a culminating exhaustion and fatigue. I can work with you to address each of these life-restricting symptoms and learn how to get your life back.

I help girls and women navigate their inner knowing within themselves. Through this awareness we look at areas and relationships within their lives where they are holding back their thoughts, beliefs, feelings and ideas from others to protect themselves and their relationships from rupture or conflict. We will work together to find ways that feel good and safe to express what is true and heal harmful codependent patterns.

I support individuals struggling with codependent behavior and relationship patterns that are no longer serving them.

Conflict most frequently surfaces when one partner begins to define their identity outside of the relationship which is a necessary and healthy transition. However, this can feel threatening when codependency is a prominent element in the relationship. I work with couples to develop strategies to increase their sense of safety within the relationship and empower them to further develop their autonomy and sense of self within the relationship.

Perhaps you seek a “coming home” to yourself in a way that feels safe & meaningful. Perhaps you long to understand yourself in relationships or in the world around you where you consider your needs as much as those around you. Being a people pleaser can lead to compassion fatigue and burnout. I am honored to walk alongside you as we explore and process all that you hold within you. You are allowed to let go, breathe and prioritize your wellbeing.

The way that I engage with people around codependency, which is a confusing term, is that it leads us to want to control other people's emotions so that in turn, we feel better (i.e. I don't want him/her/them to be mad, so I won't say anything). Putting others' emotions and needs ahead of our own is something that is also sanctioned by society. Working on codependency doesn't mean that we start offending others either. It's a gentle journey into boundary setting and communication.

Codependency may show up as people pleasing and denying one's own needs. I like the famous analogy of being on an airplane: to be in a relationship, we must tend to ourselves (put on our own gas masks before helping others). Life is about relationships and there is none more important than the relationship we have with ourselves. To treat codependency, I draw on the teachings of theorists such as John Bradshaw, Pia Mellody, and Melody Beattie.

Codependency is often tied to the relationships that we have with addicts in our lives. Codependency is often defined as behaviors that enable behaviors we wish to see the end of but it often comes from a place of love, care and concern for others. The problem is that love, care and concern can result in giving too much to others. My goal in helping clients who struggle with codependency is to help them establish healthy boundaries so they can be supportive without overwhelming themselves.

I am trained in and utilize Pia Mellody's "Developmental Immaturity" model of codependency treatment, known as Post Induction Therapy. https://www.themeadows.com/workshops/post-induction-therapy-pit/

You find yourself stuck in a pattern of people pleasing. You're a good listener, someone others go to vent to. While that is a part of your relational strength, you're also intimidated by conflicts and exposed differences between you and your partner and friends. You put great effort into mirroring and reading the room to alleviate tension with others and within yourself. You'd love to embrace your authentic self and know that ruptures in your relationships don't have to be an ultimatum.

If you find yourself constantly prioritizing others' needs above your own, feeling an overwhelming need for approval, or struggling to establish healthy boundaries, I'm here to help. Together, we'll navigate the intricacies of codependency, uncover its underlying roots, and develop strategies to foster independence, self-care, and healthier relationships. Your journey toward greater self-awareness and empowerment starts here.

Those suffering from codependency may be feeling like they have to give up themselves in order to make the relationship work. Often times you may put the other person's needs ahead of your own because if you don't the other person may realize they don't love you and leave you. You may have thoughts of "If I am not helpful, useful, or what my partner needs me to be then they are going to leave me" These are all scary thoughts! We can unpack them in a safe space together.

Jordan helps clients move from painful and draining codependence to a nourishing balance of inter- and independence. Knowledgeable in both 12-step and other recovery networks, Jordan works with her clients to find appropriate support and explore the root cause of codependency.

Is it challenging for you to say "No" to your partner, parent, boss or co-workers? Do you find yourself wondering if you are helping too much, or giving too much of yourself, your independence or your personal power away? The art of managing your personal boundaries in a way that supports you and your relationships in a healthy and authentic way is part of the ongoing work of growing into a fuller, more realized version of yourself.

NARM therapy can be helpful in understanding and resolving what drives the patterns we call "codependency." Often, we mean well when we support others, but this can get in the way of healthy relationships with ourselves and others.

Co-dependency is so absolutely destructive in our lives. In my 20+ years of my own co-dependency recovery and helping others navigate through co-dependence, I am confident that understanding the roots of your codependency, how it impacts your relationships on a daily basis and finding recovery, might be the most impactful work that you can do as an adult.

Codependency can be a challenging thing to navigate on your own, but it is very possible to gain a more comprehensive and complete understanding of why you developed this coping mechanism in the first place. From there, we can support you to re-learn how to have your own autonomy and separate sense of self. If applicable to you, we'll also support you in learning how to discern and hold your own boundaries and connect with others in ways that are empowering for you.