Nonviolent Communication

Nonviolent Communicationsm (NVC), developed by Marshall Rosenberg, guides us to reframe how we express ourselves, how we hear others and resolve conflicts by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting. It is a tool that leads us toward a quality of connection among people where everyone’s needs are valued and get met through compassionate giving—out of the joy of contributing to another human being.

Most of us have been taught to communicate passively, critically, or manipulatively––and that’s so normal to us that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. That is, until we find ourselves feeling powerless to get our needs met, repeating the same conflicts with those we love, and feeling alone or trapped in our relationships. The nonviolent framework provides a systematic approach by teaching us to be present to our own needs, feelings, and requests without blaming others or internalizing shame.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

Do you want to resolve conflicts - with yourself and others - in ways that honor your deepest needs? Do you want solutions that work for you and also meet the needs of others? Nonviolent Communication is about how to make that happen. It's about creating the kind of relationship that helps to meet, or at least honor, everyone's needs. It doesn't always get us what we want, but it greatly increases the chances of truly satisfying our underlying needs.

I have found nonviolent communication to be extremely helpful in clearer and more accurate expression. Additionally, the use of nonviolent communication bypasses many of the standard miscommunications and perceived offenses of standard conversation, facilitating information flow without argument. Interestingly, the use of nonviolent communication may also make the speaker appear more charismatic and persuasive.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

I was introduced to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) about 17 years ago and have been drawing upon the practice ever since. NVC is a way of viewing one's self, one another and the world with empathy--truly listening with an open heart. I am inspired by NVC's stance that humans share common needs. In my work, I listen for those needs; to be understood, to have choice, or be considered, to name a few.

Understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy communication coupled with an understanding of domestic violence influences my expertise in this area. I've worked with clients individually as well as in a group setting to teach skills pertaining to good vs bad communication, conflict resolution, communication styles, boundaries and a host of other topics that influence the exchange of communication.

Compassion is key to our work together, as is developing an awareness of your worth and your values. In a relationship with others, NVC helps us recognize that we are all autonomous beings and effective, clear communication is key to getting our needs met. It removes the "good" and "bad" labels we may impose on things and instead encourages us to be curious and nonjudgmental. It's quite liberating!

Nonviolent communication is a strategy championed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. Through the use of nonviolent communication, you will learn to identify unmet needs within yourself and others and communicate them in a fashion that reduces blaming langue. This solution focused communication strategy allows you to communicate by focusing on the unmet need and working towards resolve rather that focusing on blame and defensiveness.

Communication styles and patterns are learned. We can learn new ones and unlearn what doesn't serve us. If the goal is to achieve harmony and progressive and positive outcomes as a result of communication, learning how to do this so our approach is effective, has integrity, and the goals are clearly defined. It's incredibly frustrating to attempt to communicate with someone important in our lives only to be met with defensiveness and a lack of receptivity. Let's improve the outcomes together.

Nonviolent Communication is all about feelings and needs. I teach clients how to connect with their feelings and needs, so they can get a better understanding of themselves and their loved ones, and communicate in an open-hearted way, where curiosity replaces judgment. This type of heart-centered communication stops the relational tug of war and increases intimacy with those you love while honoring emotions and needs.

I have been using NVC since before becoming a therapist. My partner first introduced it to me back in 2016 as a helpful way to relate to children. But as Marshall Rosenberg made clear, its use can serve people of all ages from any background. This is because the emphasis is on understanding someone else's underlying needs, which we all have. In communicating with "I" statements, recognizing ones feelings and values, and requesting help, we avoid blame, evaluation, and demands that alienate us.

Specific training in this area.

Often we struggle within our relationships due to a lack of understanding of how to communicate. Nonviolent communication gives us a good framework to learn the art of communication.

It can be difficult to explore our inner world when we lack the words and structure necessary to communicate them effectively. For years I have incorporated Nonviolent Communication perspectives of human feelings and needs in order to empower clients to request from others what they need out of their relationships. I developed my approach through training with practitioners and Nonviolent Communication trainers as a part of my graduate studies.