Mark Cagle

I have worked with many couples on the brink of losing their relationships to lust. Infidelity comes in many forms and the reasons people stray are varied. I lead couples through a process that helps them learn from the affair, incorporate the new information, and negotiate a new monogamy between them. There is no right way to overcome infidelity, but there are many ways that are unhelpful and unhealthy. Recovering from an affair is possible. Don't leave your relationship susceptible.

"Differences in communication style" that seems to be how many couples describe the difficulty they have in feeling heard, cared for, and loved by their partner. The messages we send aren't necessarily the messages that are received. This could be the influence of past hurts, our family of origin, or simply our inability to hear that which we so desperately need to here- that we are loved. We are meant for connection, but we so often miss the mark in our attempts to reach out to our partners.

Negotiating the rules for non-monogamy isn't easy. And yes, there are rules. In fact, there are often more rules in open relationships than there are in "monogamous" couples. Monogamy used to mean one partner for life. Now it simply means one partner at a time. Though I myself am monogamous, I have helped many couples navigate the expectations and boundaries of their relationships- some who have faced infidelity and others who are opening their relationships for the first time.

When couples come to me after the discovery of an affair, the emotional bond between them appears broken. I help them to pick up the pieces by exploring the unmet attachment needs they are each dealing with. Emotion is the music of the dance of love. Change the music; change the dance.

Discernment Counseling isn't therapy. The discernment process is meant to provide you with clarity and confidence about a direction for your relationship based on a deeper understanding of what has happened in your relationship as well exploring the possibilities for the future. Discernment counseling is brief- just 1-5 sessions; and goal-directed, meaning there's no time to waste. If you're stuck and uncertain of the future. Discernment counseling can help.

There's so much noise in the world, and we spend so much of our time being absent-minded. When this leeches into our relationships, it's a problem. Mindfulness is about being present in the moment, without judgment. I help my clients to slow things down, focus their attention on the sensations in their own body as well as explore what's going on with their partner. Being present is a gift we can give to our partners that doesn't cost a cent- just takes some practice.

The goal of couples counseling isn't to help you avoid or eliminate conflict. All relationships cycle from harmony, disharmony, and repair. The goal of my work is to help you repair more quickly and more effectively. Intimacy can be scary. It is, after all, making one's self vulnerable, allowing the other to see inside you. That's why we will also work to increase your self-awareness in therapy. How can you share of yourself if you don't know yourself?