There is no such thing as a part of yourself that has no purpose and should be gotten rid of.
Mental Health Counselor in Portland, OR
When I took a certificate program in CBT, I realized that this it is how I automatically and already approached therapy.
DBT was born out of CBT and mindfulness, both of which I have studied separately. Getting certified in DBT, thus, seemed natural. I don't do the strict protocols of DBT, which is a group therapy, but I use a lot of the principles frequently.
My first love was philosophy. I believe that we all struggle with the existential conundrums of the human condition, whether we know it or not, and one or more of them is behind all mental and emotional angst.
You're going to change anyway, so you might as well be intentional about it. Free will doesn't come from your ability to control the external world, because you can't, and trying to do so to manage your internal world with only lead to anguish. Instead, work on managing your internal world and you will have a greater influence on the external world.
Anxiety is a natural part of existence for humans, in fact, you need it, but there are concepts our minds can conceive of, like "perfection" and "permanence", that can create unresolvable anxiety, if held too tightly.
Even if you truly want what is best for your partner(s), it's also important to want what is best for yourself, and it is inevitable that these things will seem to come into conflict. Even if we think we know what is best for others, we can't, it is up to them. It is hard enough to figure out what is best for ourselves, so please seek individual therapy first to help you that. Then the relationship therapy can begin and we can collaboratively find a way forward.